During my pregnancy I was CERTAIN that Hadley would arrive early. I had it in my head that she would be here at least 3 weeks early...it just goes to show you that when you plan- God laughs. I have always enjoyed working so I continued to work in the office throughout my pregnancy, and I was just waiting for the embarrassing moment when my water broke in my office chair. My due date (July 13th) came and went.... and still no baby. Everyone kept reassuring me that I had made such a wonderful home for her in the womb that she didn't want to come out, but I was getting so anxious, and I just wanted to hold my sweet baby. My Doctor told me that she would let me go a week past my due date and then she would induce me. I really didn't want to be induced, I wanted to go into labor naturally, but we tried a lot of 'old wives tales' and none seemed to help.
I went in for a doctors appointment on the 15th and I was really just hoping to show some progress. I was hoping to at least be dilated to a 3, but I was still at a BIG FAT 0. It was heartbreaking news, I just wanted to meet my little girl so badly. The doctor, Jeremy and I discussed options. I still wanted to wait and go into labor naturally but I had a couple of factors to consider. My Doctor was going out of town on the 21st, and the hospital we were delivering at was known for being extremely busy, and often inductions that were scheduled were cancelled/postponed for weeks. I heard horror stories of women going 3-4 weeks past their due date, and having to have C-Sections because the babies were so big. Despite my desire to go into labor on my own, I was much more willing to get induced vs. the possibility of a C-Section. Jer and I talked it over and we felt ok with the decision to be induced. My doctor immediately called and tried to schedule an appointment, but the rumors were true and the hospital was booked for inductions and had no available appointments. So there I was, still dilated to that big fat 0, just left to wait.
I went back to work with mixed emotions, happy I still had a chance to go into labor on my own, but sad that if I did not this baby might be HUGE, and I would be left delivering with a doctor I didn't know. I remember being at work and my doctor calling me telling me the hospital had a spot open up on July 18th and she wanted to see if that would be an ok day for me, I excitedly and nervously told her yes! I immediately called Jeremy. He answered and the first thing I said was "So you wanna have a baby with me on Monday"?! He very calmly said "yeah sure". I think he was at a loss for words (which is rare for him) and it was all starting to become real for both of us. I hung up the phone and got lost in all my thoughts: "am I ready for this", "I can't wait to hold her", "I wonder who she'll look like", "Can I handle all the pain of D-Day", "I can't wait to kiss her cheeks"! My mind was running a million miles an hour and I started to get really excited. I went home and got everything packed and ready, and again I was left to wait...
The doctor had told me to call before I went in on Monday because the hospital was so busy, and they might cancel my appointment if it got busy enough. We were supposed to go in around 7:00pm so I called around 6:30pm and of course they were booked, and said it would not work. This roller coaster of emotions was starting to get to me, and being my emotional pregnant self, my eyes starting to well up with tears. Fortunately the nurse on the phone looked over her schedule and told me to come in at midnight... needless to say I was relieved. D-Day, as we referred to it at our house, was finally here. I remember as I got closer and closer to my due date people would always ask me "so are you nervous?. I always thought that was a silly question. OF COURSE I'M NERVOUS, I am about to push a bowling ball out of me, wouldn't you be nervous?! I don't know who in their right mind would not be nervous about giving birth for the first time. I was not worried about the being a mommy part, but I was ridiculously nervous about the part where I had to push her out of me. That is a big responsibly for anyone to take on. You hear horror stories about huge babies, tearing, and emergency C-Sections everyday when you are pregnant so yeah people, of course I was nervous!!!
I knew I needed to calm my fears a little and I figured there was none better to rely on than my Heavenly Father and my amazing husband. So I asked Jeremy to give me a blessing. I remember sitting in my kitchen with his hands on my head and bawling my eyes out. He gave me a beautiful, and much needed, blessing that put everything into perspective and calmed my nerves. That was it, now everything was in place and it was time to go have a baby (yay)!!!
We showed up at the hospital, and it looked like we were moving in. I had packed EVERYTHING, and I am sure everyone was giggling as we passed them thinking "they must be 1st time parents". They were right we really didn't use most of what we brought, but the one thing I was glad I brought was my own pillow (note to self: NEVER go to the hospital without your own pillow). We were sent up to labor and delivery and as soon as we got there the nurse said "I was just about to call you to tell you not to come, we are booked". I could not believe it. I was heartbroken and the nurse must have seen it because she kindly said "since you are already here, we will make room for you, but it might be a while before we are able to start the induction". I was 100% ok with that, as long as they didn't send me back home (I mean how many times can a girl prepare herself to have a baby). We got settled in our room and I tried to get some sleep as I laid there waiting....
The nurse came into our room around 6:30am and began the process. I can't remember all of what she did I just remember being so nervous about the pain that was coming, but also so excited to FINALLY meet my sweet baby girl. The nurses kept coming in and checking to see if I had dilated, but as the HOURS passed I was still stuck at that dang ZERO. It was starting to feel like this baby was going to stay in me forever (considering she is part Eastman and part Stansfield I should have known she would be stubborn and only willing to do things on her terms and timing!). The contractions were coming and going and getting more and more painful. I remember lying on my side shaking while clutching the side panel of the bed trying to 'breath through the pain' while "I Love Lucy" played in the background. I looked over at my sweet husbands face and his eyes looked all watery. He didn't know what to do to help and he had never seen me in so much pain. I could tell he felt helpless, and as sweet as it was it still broke my heart to see him hurting for me.
Finally around 10:00pm a nurse came in and checked me and I had finally made some progress, I was at a 4!!! It was finally happening, this baby was on her way!!! I planned on trying to deliver without an epidural (again I am sure all the nurses were laughing when I said that, because they knew it would not last). I feel like I put in a valiant effort, but it had been 12 hours since they started the process and the pain and fatigue were starting to get to me. The nurses told me it would most likely still be quite a while before I started pushing since I was only at a 4. I endured a while longer then talked to Jeremy and asked what his thoughts on an epidural were. He had this to say "I don't understand why you ever wanted to do this without it, I say get the drugs". That is my man, a straight shooter!!! After much internal debate I began realizing that if I was going to get through this I would need some sleep that night and there was no way that was going to happen with these strong contractions, so I finally gave in and asked for the epidural.
Epidural = Bliss. I could still feel and move my legs but the pain had washed away and I was left with a calming, tingling sensation in my legs. Then finally I got some sleep (well as much sleep as you can get with monitors beeping, cords wrapped around you, and having your cervix being checked periodically). The night was a blur of sleep and mixed emotions, until finally a nurse came in and checked me one last time.
It was around 3:00am and the nurse told me I was dilated to an 8. Things were starting to happen. She talked with me for a moment and was watching me with my contractions and said she wanted to check me again before she left. She checked and then with some urgency said "you are there, (I was at a -2) this baby just took a swan dive, and we haven't called the doctor yet" (yep my little girl was doing things on her own time and she had just decided she wanted out...NOW). She tilted my bed back so my feet were elevated to stop the progress until the doctor arrived (this is something I don't recommend, and will not let them do next time). At some point during all of this I remember the nurse running to the door and yelling down the hall "we need help in here". I am no expert when it comes to nursing but in the movies they only do that when something bad and urgent is going on. My mind began racing thinking about all the things that could be wrong, and if my baby was ok. I just kept picturing me holding my little girl, and for a quick moment I was scared that that was being taken away from me. Fortunately my baby was fine, but in that moment everything became very real, very quickly.
Up to that moment I knew I was excited to be a mommy yet I still had so many nervous emotions, but when that nurse yelled down the hall and told me she was coming, my whole mindset changed. It was like someone flipped a switch. Suddenly I didn't even notice the pain, I wasn't worried about delivery, or being a mommy, all I could think about was my little girl and getting her here safely so I could hold those little fingers and kiss those little toes. My mind revolved around her and everything I could do to get her here safely and finally have her join our family.
The doctor arrived around 3:15am and I began pushing. I did everything I could do, I was using every ounce of strength I had in me, but it still did not seem to be enough. There was very little progress, and it took me 45min of heavy pushing just to get me back to the -2 I had started at before they tilted my bed back (...which is why I don't recommend that). My doctor had started to become very discouraging, and began to talk about a C-Section. A C-Section was something I knew I didn't want, and to even hear those words made my heart sink. Jeremy and I both looked at each other and we could read each others faces 'we cannot let that happen' is all we were both thinking. We told her that we did not want a C-Section, and asked what we could do to avoid that. The doctor said she would come back later and if there was still no progress she was ordering an emergency C-Section because this baby was way to big for my pelvis and there was NO WAY she was going to fit through.
When the doctor left the nurses (thank goodness for their faith in me) told me they thought I could do this without a C-Section but that her head was large and it was going to be extremely difficult. I continued pushing as hard as I could. I have never been so tired physically, emotionally and mentally, or worked so hard in my life. Jeremy was very encouraging and was even involved in the delivery. He was holding my leg and doing everything the nurses asked him to do. He kept leaning down, kissing my forehead, and with tears in his eyes he kept telling me how proud he was of me. He was the only thing keeping my spirits up when it seemed like all my work was in vein and the C-Section seemed inevitable. The nurses and Jeremy kept saying they could see the hair on her head starting to come out with each push, but as soon as I would stop pushing it would go right back in. I didn't know what else to do, I was honestly giving it everything I had but it still did not seem like enough. I remember looking up at Jeremy with my eyes filled with tears and telling him "I don't think I can do this". I was so scared of hurting Hadley because I was trying so hard to avoid a C-Section, but I didn't think the C-Section was the best choice for either of us. My stress level was way passed a 10. I was so conflicted and I didn't know what to do.
I continued pushing with all my heart, but when the doctor came back in she said there was still not enough progress and she didn't like the way the charts/monitoring were going for baby girl. She left to arrange the C-Section. My heart was broken, I felt horrible. I honestly felt like a complete failure. I had majorly let myself down, and worst of all I felt like I had let my husband and un-born daughter down. All I could think about was this sweet baby and what she must be going through, and that there seemed to be nothing I could do to help. Jeremy is the most incredible man on the planet, and he knew just what to do. With the doctor gone, he asked the nurses if they thought there was anyway I could still do this. They looked at each other and I could tell they did not want to go against the doctors advice, but they said they still thought it was possible. They told me again it would be difficult and now we had limited time to do this because the doctor had already ordered the C-Section, and the surgeon was on the way.
Jeremy calmly gave me a kiss on the forehead and said "keep pushing baby, I KNOW you can do this." He calmly told me he was going to step away for a moment to say a prayer. I watched him bow his head in the corner of the room and I knew we had to do this, and it had to be now. Jeremy came back and I could see the faith and determination all over his face. He grabbed my leg again and said "ok babe, you CAN do this, I know you can". His strength and faith in me was refreshing, and gave me the motivation I needed to continue. I remember feeling like there was still not much progress but I pushed and somehow, with an answer to his prayer, I pushed myself just high enough and for the first time I saw Hadley's head. Once I saw her beautiful dark hair, I knew it was all going to be ok. I knew I could do this, and I knew we were about to finally meet our perfect daughter. With a renewed strength I pushed for a while longer and at 5:45am we met the love of our life. Baby Girl Eastman had finally arrived.
She did not cry right away and it concerned me for a quick moment. I couldn't see anything in the room so I quickly turned to Jeremy and asked "is she ok, is everything ok"? I have never seen such love on my husbands face. Without taking his tear filled eyes off of baby girl he said everything was fine and they were just checking her over quickly, because of the long stressful labor. After some encouragement we convinced Jeremy to cut the cord, then it was my turn. In reality it was probably only about 1 minute before they gave her to me but it felt like hours! I have never seen anything so beautiful. I don't think there are any right words to describe this moment. It was too beautiful to describe, but it is something I will never forget. They laid her on my chest so we could have some 'skin to skin' time and she just snuggled right in and quickly fell asleep. It was a long labor for both of us and she was exhausted. I gently kissed her on her forehead and whispered "your finally here, I love you so much baby girl". Jeremy wrapped his arms around both of us and gave us both kisses. He kept thanking me for bringing this beautiful baby to our family, and telling me how proud he was of me. I really don't think we have ever been happier. She was perfect, and so beautiful. I don't know how long we all stayed there cuddled together, but there has never been a moment so peaceful or full of joy as that one.
Hadley was 9.2 lbs and 21" long. Her head was covered in thick dark hair just like her daddy, and she had a sweet little button nose, and big cheeks that were just made to kiss! She was a big baby and it was a long labor. She definitely did some damage to her momma upon her arrival, but I don't remember the pain during any of the labor. They had cut off my epidural early because they were preparing for a C-Section so I could feel some or most of what was going on, but I was so focused on getting her here safely, and with all the stress that was going on, it was the last thing on my mind. The recovery however was a very real and memorable pain, but my little Hadley Bear got here safely and if that was the price I had to pay to have that happen I would do it again a hundred million times over.
I still cry thinking about this day. It was such and incredible moment in my life. I was blessed with a beautiful daughter that has brought me immeasurable joy, and the love/ faith, my husband had in me that day (and every day) is still amazing to me. I know we were meant to be a family. The three of us still snuggle like we did that day in the hospital bed, and daddy still frequently gives kisses to 'his girls', and thanks me often for bringing Hadley to our family. We are all so lucky to have each other. Each one of us needs/loves the other ones, and that is a beautiful thing. It comforts me daily to know that whatever happens in this crazy life we will ALWAYS have each other, and we will ALWAYS be an eternal family. We love this little girl more than we could have ever imagined, and we are so grateful that she, along with those big kissable cheeks of hers, joined our crazy little family!!! We love you Hadley Bear!!!
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